Becoming a Doula

Greetings to all the lovely pregnant women out there, as well as all those who have been pregnant or plan on being pregnant. I have joined the quest of helping women have a more empowering, natural birth experience. Why? Because the milestone of child birth is life changing! Sure, if you don't have the birth you envision, yet you have a healthy child at the end of the day - you are still blessed! Definitely and without question! However, if you, like many women I know, desire to have a natural childbirth experience and things just don't go that way - you may feel a bit let down at the end of the whole affair. That is where I want to be a blessing to pregnant women. I want to support women through natural childbirth. Now, maybe you say "Oh, I admire women who can do that, but not me!" Well, why not try? If it ends up not so natural - well you haven't lost anything by trying. Let me share my story.

Almost 4 years ago I arrived in the maternity ward in my sleepy ice covered town to give birth to my first child. I had ideal thoughts of natural childbirth and believed I could do it. I read a few books, but I was mostly ignorant about what lay ahead. I did write a birth plan and talk with my doctor at length about what I wanted. He rejected my suggestive remarks about a squatting bar, leaving the umbilical cord attached for more than 10 seconds, and other ideas I had come across in the books I read. He was however supportive about me walking, not having an episiotomy, and giving birth without medication. I thought I had bargained a great deal. I also thought I could do it with the support of my husband, my mom, and mother in law.

One thing you should know is that no birth is predictable. You cannot know what kind of birth experience you will have, but one thing you can know is that you will need support. For some women the nurse and doctor are all the support they want and need. For others, they have no grand ideas about natural childbirth - an epidural or c-section is part of the deal. I am definitely not here to poo poo their ideas or their desires, but for me I wanted my experience to be as natural as possible.

So, laying on a bed in triage that faithful morning in December, hardly able to contain my excitement, I wondered what all the fuss had been about. My water broke before the contractions started and the early stages of labor were quite manageable. I talked freely with my husband and my mom while we waited for the doctor to arrive. I didn't pay too much attention to the fact that the nurses were not allowing me to walk around and no one else seemed to think much of it either. I asked several times, but they said I had to wait for the doctor since the strips that prove the fluid that gushed from my body was indeed amniotic fluid were reading negative. That seemed silly to me at the time, but now I wonder - why in the world did I allow them to tell me I had to lay on that bed for hours on end because they weren't sure I was in labor. What? Gush of water? Yes. Contractions? Yes. Dilated? Yes. I was becoming a victim of hospital procedures and managed care and I didn't even know it. I needed an advocate. I needed a Doula.

By the time my doctor arrived I was almost 5 cm dilated. He seemed exasperated with the nurses over the trivial test strips. Of course I was in labor. He said I could move to the birth suite and I got up and started gathering some of my things. My husband and I began the journey which led to a room about 50 feet away, but before I could get there I was hit with a big one. One after another they came. Rushes - that is what Ina May calls them. Yes, that is indeed what it was like. Like the first time I stepped into the Pacific and was hit with a battering ram of waves. I had no control and was thrown to and fro. I was completely caught off guard by the intensity and regularity of the contractions. My support team were like a family of does caught in the high beams on a back road in the middle of the night. No one said a word to encourage me to carry on without an... EPIDURAL was what I screamed for between my sobbing prayers to Jesus that he would help me through the pain. My poor family cried along with me.

If you have never given birth before you have no idea what to expect. When labor gets the best of you - and you know what I mean if you have labored without drugs - you think you may not make it through. But you will make it through. That is when you need someone who is trained, ready for the waves, and can communicate to you that you are doing great. Yes, it hurts but you are almost there. You need someone who can remind you of all those remedies you read about or practiced before hand. Someone who can perform massage, run a hot bath, or just look you in the eye and say it is ok. Oh how I wish I had had someone like that when I gave birth to my dear Gracie. But, I didn't. My husband wanted to rescue me from the pain. My mom wanted to rescue me from the pain. No one can rescue you from the pain, but some one can support you through the pain. The pain doesn't have to be so intense. There are methods to reduce pain. You can actually relax during labor. You need to know and be reminded to release and give in to the rushes. Stress balls usually create other stress balls... and they feed off each other.

So my labor went like this - easy, intense, epidural (pain free), miserable (not able to move my legs, confined, and freaking out because I had no control), tired (from pushing 4 hours), nervous (because I relented to the use of forceps), elated! (Grace was on my chest!) All that happened over a 14 hour period.

In the end, I had a perfect 9 lb. 4 oz. baby girl and I was pleased! I am still pleased! But I wonder? What if I hadn't laid in triage for 4 hours in the beginning of my labor? What if I had withstood the pain a little longer? Would I have been able to push my baby out? Would I have needed a bazillion stitches which kept me from sitting down for 6 weeks? Who knows? No one knows, because I didn't do any of those things I had thought I would do. And we can never go back and do it over again. If I could, I know I would definitely have a Doula by my side. Would I have been able to withstand the pain? I don't know. But I know I would have at least had someone there to support me through trying.

So that is what I want to do. I want to support women through childbirth. Maybe the mother I support will look in my eyes and say I want an epidural. That is her decision. Maybe she will kick me out. Well that is her decision too. But maybe she will look at me and say, "I'm dying." and I will look back at her and say, "You're doing great! You can do this." And she will make it through one more contraction. In the end, only the mother can make decisions about her birth experience. My job is to help her make informed decisions and support her through them.

What is an informed decision? It is knowing all the details, the pros and cons and then making the best decision for you. Your doctor wants to induce labor? What does that mean? I can tell you. What are the stats for a given situation? I can tell you. Want to talk to your doctor but don't how or what to say? I can help support you through that too. Water birth, hypno birth, home birth.... so many options, which one is right for me? We can discover the answer together. Will my husband be left out? No way! He will be able to support you fully, the way he knows how. He can do as little or as much as he wants or you want. Having a Doula is not an either - or, it is a both - and. Birth is a blessing. I want all women to experience the empowerment and joy of the birth experience.

Contrary to popular belief:
I can not deliver babies - I am not a midwife.
I will not tell people what to do - making decisions is the mother's job.
I will not judge you for the decisions you make - I will hold your hand.


I will:
give you scientific based information.
help you make informed choices.
seek to give you tailor made support according to your request!

Life is full of blessings! Birth is one of the greatest!